Eb (intro) Eb Bb (Quagmire) Alyssa Milano, I knew you're gonna be hot when you were nine. 2. MELTED CHEESE (there is a picking pattern here: alternate your thumb between the first and second notes of the chord, and pluck the rest of it with the remaining fingers) C F (Peter) Every food tastes good with melted cheese, G C (Q) I like twins unless they're siamese. 3. DON'T STORE YOUR CONDOMS E (intro) E (Q) Don't store your condoms in your billfold A Those things don't work if they get dry and old E (P) Broken rubber A E Broken ruuubbeeer 4. CREDIT CARD DEBT (you can play this ukulele-like by doing the equivalent chords on the eBG strings. In this song, Quag's backing vocals are between parenthesis. "B" stands for "both". This is by far the most difficult to play exactly correct. ) Eb Ab Eb (P) 'Cause I have thirty thousand dollars in credit card debt Eb Ab Eb When they call I tell them I can't pay it back yet (credit card debt) Eb Ab Eb Tomorrow I may buy myself a dining room set N/C Or this Bobba Fet! Eb (B) Credit card debt, Ab Credit card debt, Bb Eb Credit card debt! 5. HOME BOWL (the ultimate single. In a huge ass concert, I'd replace the annoying newspaper dude dialogue with a chorus. Again, Quag's backing are between parenthesis. ) Am (intro) Am (P) I can't poop in strange places Em (strange places) I can only poop in my home G It's as though I'm watched by strange faces Am (strange faces) It's why I never roam Am ( Excuse me, I just wanna grab one those newspapers. Just grab one and go! I'm looking for a job, ok? ) Am I've left Stewie alone with strangers Em (strangers) To satisfy my fecal needs G (B) I've put my whole family in danger Am (P) To poop before my anus bleeds F C G Am (B) Home bowl, home bowl, you know just what I need F C G Am Home bowl, home bowl, to poop bear my anus bleeds. 6. POP TART C (intro) C F (B) Have you ever put butter on a Pop Tart? It's so freaking good. F C G7 C Have you ever put butter on a Pop Tart? If you haven't then I think you should. C (P) I was sitting in the kitchen one day, C And I was itching to fill up my belly C with the piping' hot jelly C G7 of the best damn treat in the world. (Q) (HE'S TALKING POP TARTS!) G7 (P) And I saw a stick of butter G7 and it almost made me shudder G7 C and scream like a baby girl. C (B) I don't wanna a giant penis C Or a rocket trip to venus C F I don't wanna win the lottery. F (B) I just wanna squat and gobble C 'Til I'm dizzy and I waddle G7 (pause) C In a butter fruit dough tart treat. So, C F (B) I put on a Pop Tart, it was so freaking good F C G7 C Have you ever put butter on a Pop Tart? If you haven't then I think you should. (Q) (EVERYBODY, COME ALONG WITH US!) C N/C C F (B) Have you ever put butter on a-- POP TART! It's so freaking good (yeah!) F N/C G7 C Have you ever put butter on a-- POP TART! If you haven't then I think you should. C (ending) (Q) POP TART! (P) Wiiith buutter? 7. EVERYONE FROM FLORIDA Intro A||-----3--5--|| E||--6--------|| Eb Bb (B) Everyone from Florida is stupid Bb Eb Everyone from Florida is dumb Ab I might not be the brightest guy Eb But next to them my IQ is high Bb Eb (weirdest chords possible, down from Bb) If they had guitars here's how they'd strum. 8. WHY THE HELL DO YOU BRUSH C (B) Why the hell do you brush your teeth at work? G C Why the hell do you brush your teeth at work? F The bathroom's full of poop and pee C And now you've rubbed that on your teeth G C Like you're gonna kiss someone at three 9. STUPID ASIAN BITCH E (intro, let it ring, to build that tension from knowing what's coming next) N/C A (B) Get out of the left lane you stupid Asian bitch A E I don't even know why you are there 10. TRAIN & BOAT "Yesterday, I've learned the difference between a train and a boat. I wrote this song before that." - GRIFFIN, Peter. E D A E (B) Train on the water, boat on a track E D A E Train on the water, boat on a track E (P) My lady took the train across the Atlantic E I hope it don't sink like the Titanic E (Q) I went to the station caught a boat downtown E I hope it don't fall off the track and I drown (P) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE ALL 5 FOOT 1 BLACK ALBINO CHOIR E D A E (5f1BAC) Train on the water, boat on a track E D A E Train on the water, boat on a track 11. THE WAITRESS & THE KNIFE C (intro) C (B) This waitress is prettier then my wife G C I could kill my family with a knife F We'll sail around the world by ship C I'll give my whole wad as a tip G C But first I'll kill my family with a knife G C (Q) Yes he's gonna kill his family with a knife G C (P) Irregardless of this waitress I will kill them with a knife. 12. PARENTS ARE GROSS C G (B) You never should look at you mother's boobies G C No matter how big and round they are C F You'll end up seeing something you don't wanna G C It's guaranteed to leave a mental scar. C G You never should look at your daddy's penis G C When he's walking down the hall on Sunday morn' F C An acorn in a nest of twigs and underneath two fetal pigs G C It will make you wish you weren't even born. F C G C Parents are gross, parents are gross, parents are gross, parents are gross. END. Leave a like and a comment. Watch American Dad.